The announcer screams my name out from the mic, the crowd goes wild, the
curtains rise and I step forward. The blinding lights come on and the
They tell me “I’m the most phenomenal dancer of my generation”,
“I am God’s gift to the art of dance”, “I recreate certain pieces to
seem so flawless and easy”, “I am the most captivating dancer of my
time”. But little do they know.
When I dance, I don’t dance to entertain or to please, I dance
to escape my captivity. The fame, the wealth and the glory are all
collateral damage for doing the one thing I love so much in this world
that can’t be taken away from me. I dance for my own personal liberation
but that is knowledge known only to me and a close few.
With each step, turn, twirl, kick, punch, roll I’m beating the
boards of the wooden coffin I’ve been confined in. I’m fighting my own
battle with demons I’ve seen too often in nightmares. With each leap in
the air, I’m longingly reaching for the top of the grave which I had
been buried. With each plunge forward, my lungs search for air, fresh
air untainted with death, blood and filth. With each drop to the floor
I’m anticipating my end. And with each rise I’m defeating my
But no that is not what they see, they see a young lady of 16
with the flexibility and energy never experienced on a stage anywhere in
the world before. What they see is perfection of a routine they think
took me long hours of practice to perfect not long hours of heart
wrenching nightmares. What they see is a perfect dancer.
They do not see me as I am, as I truly am.
I am a girl fighting for her life.
To be very frank with you, I was only able to write this moments after pulling myself together from crying after reading such a beautiful book and still as I sat there writing this I was still sobbing.
It is a beautiful book this one and I kid you not when I say it is a love story for the centuries albeit a sad one but still a love story and a beautiful one.
Just imagine not really wanting to live life after being diagnosed with stage IV thyroid cancer and you just barely got out because you were forced out by your overbearingly loving mother. And then you meet the best thing that has ever happened to you in a long time.
I kind of understand their love story; it was slow and true. It wasn’t forced or rushed because of the lack of time but they took the needed time to get to know each other and fall truly in love with one another.
Hazel Grace at first believed she was the grenade waiting to explode and hurt the ones that loved and cared for her not knowing that in true actual fact Augustus was the grenade. A series of twists and turns occur to reveal that Hazel would outlive Augustus and his (Augustus’) final days won’t be easy ones.
The sadness for me truly began at his prefuneral when Isaac gave his eulogy of Augustus and he pondered and expatiated on all of Augustus’ vanities and yet stating he wouldn’t want to see a world without Gus. Hazel’s eulogy also as expected was perfect and was portrayed in the most peculiar yet honest and intrinsic way stating at the end (this part really got me tearing up)
“But Gus my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful”.
Such depth and sincerity. I never knew I could cry so much while reading a book. Watching a movie, yeah sure but reading a book, not really.
Augustus death was a sad one and I could not help but put myself in Hazel’s shoes and imagine how she felt. Such pain, sadness and loneliness. The one person you could call to talk about absolutely anything was gone at the time she needed someone to talk to the most. Even with all the pain I knew she wouldn’t have asked for anything else and she loved Augustus dearly even in death.
The Fault In Our Stars – John Green