I wanted her back. I was so unhappy and everything made me think of her. Anytime Coldplay came on or it rained or I saw someone wearing a bright yellow T-shirt. They always reminded me of her. Damian Marley was right after all; how love truly was life changing and I was a changed man. Arinze tried all he could but I still couldn’t come to terms with the fact that the love of my life was no more. It hurt like a bitch but I didn’t expect otherwise.
15th November, 2013 – 8:46am
I could barely pay attention to the service going on. I wished, prayed and begged over and over again that all this wasn’t real, that it was all just some horrible nightmare that I would snap out of; that I wasn’t at the funeral service of my one and only. The pastor called me up to give my eulogy, I fumbled a bit. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her but this was the only chance I would get. I stepped up to the podium and began “’Lara was my everything, is my everything and will always be my everything…” My voice caught and I paused trying to recompose myself. “I apologize it’s all still very fresh for me. It happened less than six months before our wedding.” My mind was blank; I had forgotten my well planned out eulogy. I turned to look at the open casket where she lay peaceful and I walked over to it. She looked so at peace. The mortician and her friends did well to make her accident wounds invisible and she looked pale from the makeup but beautiful all the same. I looked at her face, it was a tight drawn out smile that must have been difficult to achieve. I kept expecting her to open eyes and do something spontaneous, anything at all. I wanted to see that smile that had made my heart melt the first time I saw her. The one that made me want to see it one last time; each and every time she smiled my heart would skip a beat and my mind would say to me “one last time” and I wanted to be the reason for that smile. I turned back to the podium and began “The day I met ‘Lara was the best day of my life. I knew there and then that she was going to be special to me. She had a special glow which she radiated. She illuminated my life and was my world. I fell in love with her in the most ‘Lara – like way ever; so spontaneous, so unexpected and yet so sincere.” I heard the droplets of rain outside and I smiled inwardly and remembered my promise to her. Even the weather agreed with her. “I miss her and she will always be a part of me.” I walked down from the podium and out of the hall. The rain had just begun but it was threatening to be a storm and I walked right under it. Head raised, arms stretched, tears streaming down my face I felt her with me. Her very presence made me want to talk to her . In slow hushed tones, I spoke to my rain. “I miss you and there is nothing in this world that would change that. My missing you is like an eternal longing for something precious I had that was cruelly snatched away from me. The beautiful way you smiled at me that kept me longing for the next time you would smile. The way you played in the rain, sang in the shower and danced to Train. I loved your everything, love your everything.” It felt like Drops of Jupiter by Train. Music had become my emotion too just like her. I held the air the same way I held her when I proposed, it felt surreal that moment. I imagined her smiling and as my mind promptly cried “one more time” I knew that forgetting her was impossible and I declared with everything in me “I will never forget you, my Omolara”.