Of formless things

I want to write about this pain

But

It’s too raw in my heart

Tapering deep into the centre

Tearing off flesh intertwined in ligaments

I want to mourn us

To blow smoke in the wind and say a prayer for us

But

The words can’t help

Won’t help

All that I manage is parted lips, trembling

With cloudy eyes that know how to rain salty water

I want to address this pain lodged deep and comfortable inside of me

Quivering my bones and haunting my soul

Bleeding me bare with emotions

I want to poke it, to stab it, to bleed it dry and end it’s existence

But

How do you hold something that lacks a form?

How do you kill something that is fueled by your existence

The pain of him

I love you

The beginning of my end

Words falling out your mouth like dewdrops from the sky

Feelings erupting from within me like a dormant volcano coming to life

Me, loving you without a conscience

You, trying to take it all back.

Old words being swallowed

New ones being said, ‘uncertain’ being at the forefront.

I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you.

Oh, but you did

You left the way you came

Tentative steps and speculations

Trying to lessen the impact of your absence

This hollow silence leaves me thinking of a what if

And unkept promises

Of a heart handed over with shaky hands

And returned to sender

Loving you more than this is an impossibility

As is hurting as much as this

The delicacy of my pain congeals into a hard boiled anger

And I want to tell you in definite terms and harsh words

I wish we were an occurrence that never was

My blood boils, my fingers type

My screen reads

I miss you

Because I do.

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Of formless things

2 thoughts on “Of formless things

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